crossroads

right now, i am in a crossroad–a moment that could change my life forever.
although i had thought of it many times before reaching this point,
it seems that i'm doubting every plan that i have, now that i'm here.
maybe i just need to talk seriously with somebody to enlighten me…
give me knowledge to choose the better path,
and courage to make me tread that path which i would choose…

impulsive buyer…

technically, i am…

although, i buy something impulsively only when i really have plan in buying it.
two reasons:
1. i will definitely buy it in the future, anyway. so why wait when i can use it now..
2. it may not be available on my next visit (which happens always)
also add that my impulsiveness is directly proportional to the discount.. hehe

this was my second this month..

last week, i bought 2GB SD card.. just bought it 2990.. no additional charge on card..
cheapest that i found…

yesterday, a brown leather shoes.. kickers (like the one it would replace)..
got it half the price.. good brand, comfortable, good fit, good quality.. good indeed…

i just hope i made the right choice…

plain stupidity

waahhh!!! it was just plain stupidity

huhuhu.. sana magtanda na talaga ako T_T

down…

i'm feeling down these past few days.
busy in work. busy on trivial things like dota.
trying to escape things which i should have faced earlier.
it's really shameful that i even distanced myself to God.
been late, if not skipping church, didn't read the bible nor study the lesson.
i wish God would send someone who will rebuke me.
i know that God is always there and He has thousands of ways.
i just pray that God give me wisdom to know His plans for me,
and humility and strength to accept and carry them through..

brighten up

  yeah, i just can't get over this…so funny!
(thankful that i had this despite my gloomy day-start)
this was sent in our gaming mailing list earlier.
hope you'll like this, too.. it just brighten up my day..
so enjoy!

behind these hazel eyes

i haven't listened well to this song before.
but just as i browsed the mp3s in this computer
looking for a mild-angst song
(read:non-avril-eminem-linkin-park-like song),
i then fully understood and song and
felt this was appropriate for the day..

 i've heard a few song of Kelly Clarkson and she has a
nice way of intepreting songs that
borderlines gloom and even depression.
maybe, i should really buy her album
(i'm always having 2nd thoughts since it cost much)

i'm not depressed now, but i feel something wrong (gloomy?) inside.
and it's been recurring for few days…
though this song does not hold true 100%
(i don't even have hazel eyes to begin with)
it may partially represent the mixed feelings i have right now.

Behind these Hazel Eyes
by: Kelly Clarkson

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore…

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

first love

waaahh! i can't get over this song!
my current last-song-syndrome.. (kainis ka talaga renz)
this song got inside my system when i had
my business trip in cebu.
karlou, my certified-utada-hikaru-fan-roommate, sang this
song almost everyday for my whole stay (which is almost a month).
what's worse was he didn't even know the lyrics
so he end up singing first two lines of the song
stopping on the nihongo part; humming the rest >.<
it came back to my system due to toni gonzaga's we belong,
the alleged-first-love-copycat. although, we belong
is really good, the lyrics is way too simplistic compared
to first love. (i just learned recently when i googled it ^__^)

i really love this song  though it makes me sad T_T kakarelate ba.. hehe
ayan, hinanapan ko na ng translation para makarelate din kayo.. hehe
so enjoy and emote! pakasenti tayong lahat kahit monday pa lang! hehe

ps. don't even try to listen to jessa zaragosa's english version.
she completely ruined the song T_T

pps.. dedicated to… first love.. hehe showbiz

First Love
by Utada Hikaru

Saigo no kisu wa
Tabako no flavor ga shita
Nigakute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni iru n' darou
Dare wo omotte 'ru n' darou

You are always gonna be my love
Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugoki-dasou to shite 'ru
Wasuretaku nai koto bakari

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Watashi wa kitto naite 'ru
Anata wo omotte 'ru n' darou

You will always be inside my heart
Itsu mo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love
Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love song
Now and forever…

(english translation)

the last kiss
tasted like tobacco
a bitter and sad smell

tomorrow, at this time
where will you be?
who will you be thinking about?

you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

the paused time is
about to start moving
there's many things that I don't want to forget about

tomorrow, at this time
I will probably be crying
I will probably be thinking about you

you will always be inside my heart
you will always have your own place
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
now and forever you are still the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

translation source: http://www.animelyrics.com/jpop/utada/utadafl.htm

hedgehog’s dilemma

why do i always hurt those whom i love…
i just wish i could just pluck these thorns out…
it should be easy.. it's the right thing…
but being 'born' with it.. getting used to it…
so difficult to change…

so afraid to hurt them… so afraid to be alone..
being caught it the middle.. again..
i really hate this feeling…
God help me.

——–

Hedgehog's Dilemma

The hedgehog's dilemma states that the closer two beings come to each other,
the more likely they are to hurt one another;
however if they remain apart, they will each feel the pain of loneliness.

——–

i learned this dilemma from another hedgehog, shinji…
you're changing now.. maybe, i could, too.
maybe someday… maybe…

——–

to you.. i'm deeply sorry…
this apology may be not enough;
but that's all i can offer right now…

above all

for some reason, i'm humming this song…
i heard it on the kid's christian online radio.
i sounded familiar–then i remembered, this is
included in the "i can only imagine" cd.
hope this would bless you.

Above All
by Michael W. Smith

Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man
You were here
Before the world began

Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders
The world has ever known
Above all wealth
And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth

Crucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man
You were here
Before the world began

Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders
The world has ever known
Above all wealth
And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth

Crucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Crucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Like the rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all